Tuesday, November 28, 2006


The Ground and I are one
I am the Earth
I am the Grass, the Weeds, the Earth

I scent the Air without breathing
without moving, I watch
I am the Stillness

She is the Air,
like a Leaf in the Wind
she twirls, she floats, she flits

Now here, now there
she is never still
she is the playful Breeze

without moving, I watch

she flits close, a length away
my Heart races
Muscles tense
Boom boom boom boom
I hear nothing but the Pounding
See nothing byt her Form
a length away
boom boom

I leap!

Claws out
fast as lightening
strong and powerful
there is no escape!

I missed.

Friday, November 24, 2006


Mum made this for me;

It is a picture she took looking out from her parent's garage, and Jethro Tull's poem which was given to us from the Maalie King.

She reckons she'd been starting to worry about losing the passion for 'pondering,' since she wasn't at uni any more, but Simon and Maalie seem to be looking after her!

Good Days and Bad Days

I had a good day, Mum had a bad day.
Mum suffered a pretty nasty mood swing the other night which started shortly after she went to work about 1600. By the time she arrived home no one wanted to be around her - least of all her own tortured self. It was up to me.

I'd had a great day - the air was warm, the wind was mild and my evil nemisis was nowhere to be found. Mum had been reading her book in the afternoon before going to work so I managed a sneaky snuggle with her on the couch. She's still been on night shift so didn't have to rise early in the morning and let me look after her all night.

Instead of staying up and watching TV she went to bed about ten o'clock (her work had finished quite early) and I promised I'd keep her company. She wasn't crying or anything but Auntie Emma was out baby sitting and Auntie Casey was already asleep so there was only me to talk to. She poured her heart out to me for a while and I hadn't felt closer to her in a long time. About two in the morning I really really needed to answer a call of nature so I slipped outside. I wasn't inclined to go prowling the neighbourhood so I curled up in my little shelter and thought about what makes us feel good or terrible.

The next day Mum felt a lot better and had a good chat with her own Mum on the telephone. She spent the morning doing little chores about the house which meant I didn't get any good hugs. She kicked me off the internet to read all the comments on various blogs and write some of her own. I told her I'd already said all that needed saying and she argued that telling people I like to make music didn't count.
"Oh really?" I asked, "How are you feeling then? Going to through another hissy fit are we? Want me to leave you alone this time?"
She just smiled in that irresistible way of hers and gave me a hug.
"We all have good days Plumpy, and we all have bad days. I'm glad I can share both with you."

There was nothing left to do but hurumph and stalk off to look for food.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Not My Idea of a Foam Party

One of my favourite things about Auntie Emma is that she never interfers with me by trying to inject me, kick me, bully me or force-feed me nasty pills that bruise my throat on the way down. Until today.
Today was the last day for my meds and since Mum was away at work Auntie Casey recuited Emma to corner me, hold me down and otherwise physically assault me. The pill went down the wrong way and I gagged, trying to bring it back up. I ran behind the table in fear, it hurt so much! The gagging wasn't working - I was just getting spittle and bad tastes. I could hear Auntie Casey coming towards me and ran out from behind the table, past them both and under the computer desk in a frantic bid to suffer alone. Auntie Emma was screaming out at me "He's foaming! He's foaming!" and all Auntie Casey could do was laugh at me. I wished it wasn't happening to me. I could still hear them, they didn't even care that I was suffering so!
I ran to my favourite part of the house - Emma's room. It smelt nice and calmed me a little but I was still salivating and trying not to throw up all over the bed. I could hear Emma calling out that she didn't want me to ruin anything in there so I ran back out again and for once I didn't complain when they shepherded me out the door. Outside I lay down at the bottom of the garden in the cool and shade and plotted my revenge.

Life Just Slows Down Again

After all the hustle and bustle of the weekend - fights and visitors and parties - the week has become like a snail trying to cross our drive. The weather is cloudy and warm so it's nicer for me to stay inside. Last night Emma went out to babysit so the house was very quiet with just me and Auntie Casey. But she was gone too when Mum came home. Mum finished her work really early but for the first time ever she just sat and watched TV instead of going straight to the computer. I logged on to read some of my comments here. I like the Maalie blogspot, it has nice pictures of birds like the Maalie and the Barn Owls. We have owls here in New Zealand too but they are just little wee things and instead of hooting they call out "more-pork." I'm still working out the best way to catch one.
Mum and I staid up watching UK TV till about eleven and Auntie Emma came home. Emma was really annoyed because the people she'd been babysitting for had promised she'd be home by nine-thirty. After a day inside with Mum and a night on the couch I was suddenly full of energy and started running up and down the corridor. When Mum opened the front door I didn't mind hooning right on through, even though I knew I wouldn't get back in till the morning.

I wandered the streets for most of the night. Most of my friends were out and we did a bit of karoke for a while until someone tried to squirt us with water. Honestly no one appreaciates real talent around here. Mum is listening to music all the time at home but she has no interest in hearing me sing. In fact it's a sure fire way to get myelf kicked out of the house. There were a few ladies out as well last night but since the accident I haven't had any interest in chasing them. They laugh at me a lot for it and spend their time teasing the lads so I usually avoid them. I don't like their attitudes much. It was good being out and about but the night finally caught up with me and I thought I might curl up and home for a bit of shut-eye before beggin breakfast from Auntie Casey.

Mum slept in late this morning which is usual for her when she's on the night shift. The house was cool and quiet - just the way I like it. I thought about going in to see her but as I said before I don't really like her room very much. When she did emerge she didn't go straight to the computer as usual but instead lay on one of the couches and gave me a cuddle. It was fantastic! We didn't say much, just enjoyed the moment. It is during times like these that I know the language of love which Simon talked about definitely needs no translation. After her breakfast though she did jump on the computer and started complaining about all the things she had to do before going into work tonight. I played by myself. Mum buys me little toys from time to time to keep me occupied, but most of them need two people to play with and no one in my family really plays with me when I want. Though Mum is better than the rest. But Mum let me play with one of her things which she keeps on the computer desk. I think she stole it from work but it's good to chase about the carpet. Actually I think I might go investigate it now. Thanks for all the comments, see you next post!

Monday, November 20, 2006

Time To See Me

Mum's on night shift this week which means IF I get kicked out of the house, it won't be until she gets home (YAY) and we get to spend time together during the day. Now that she's not busy on her project this will be grand.

She said I can't write a Blog without putting some pictures up, so that people can see what I'm talking about. So here's a pictutre from my last photo shoot;

When that photo was taken I weighed about 6.8kg, which is not the heaviest I've been, but still I was carrying around a little extra weight. Mum says I'm a gorgeous big boy, and that I'm naturally a large guy, but Auntie Casey calls me fat. Since the fight I have lost four hundred grams. This next photo is one Mum took of me while I was asleep. I think it's embarrasing but Mum reckons I look cute so she made me put it up. Enjoy it while you can because I'm taking it off as soon as she goes to work tonight.

And my shoulder is healing up pretty well too, see?

In fact it's healing so well you can hardly even tell there's a wound there.
So, only one pill to go tonight and then no more physical abuse from Mum and Auntie Casey getting me to take them.

I better go anyway, Mum's out of bed and wants the computer for a bit. I might clean up and have a nap. It's not a very nice day outside so I'm pretty stoked she's home today. It means I can just chill inside.

Sunday, November 19, 2006

Ai Ai Ai!

I had hoped things would get a little better, I mean how much worse can they get, really? It did start to get better for a while. It was the end of the week and Mum went out to a party. Now this is not like Mum at all, usually she stays at home on the couch and I get to watch a lot of TV with her. For the most of this year she has spent most of her spare time on the computer because of the project she's doing at Uni, but more recently she's had time for television and books. Mum likes to read books, though I don't have any time for them. They are a good way to get absent minded but loving attention from her though. She's a lot better when she's not thinking about what I'm actually asking for.

Back to the weekend though - Mum went to a party and I was home alone with the Aunties. For once they were awesome! Emma chats away and can get much more of a response from Auntie Casey than Mum can which is great because I like watching TV with the sound of them both nattering in the background. It sort of gives off a sense of well being. I got a lot of cuddles and a nice dinner. Mum came back a little late from the party but not too late. Just before midnight I think. Neither of the Aunties had kicked me out of the house so I followed Mum to her bedroom. Out of the three bedrooms I like Mum's the least. It is big and there are funny smells in it. She has a large bed which she doesn't even use all of, but sometimes there is something special about being in there with her without Auntie Casey or Emma around. She was tired because she'd been out late at night after an early start at work, but I snuggled under the blankets with her and we had a good chat about lots of things. When Mum is in a friendly loving mood she is my favourite to be around. She didn't ask me about my shoulder (even though she and Auntie Casey had shoved another pill down my throat before she left that night) and I could tell from the smile on her face that she didn't really mind paying the bill for the consultation and the anti-biotics. I thought things were going to be fine.

On Saturday it was raining. The cooler weather gave me a little more energy but I had no interest at all going out and getting myself wet. Auntie Emma and Mum snuggled down on a couch each to watch some DVD's and I was very keen to join them.
Then Talia came round. Talia does not like me. Actually, I don't think it's that she doesn't like me, but more that she likes to be mean to me. Anyway, she hissed at me and I got such a fight I nearly ran out of the room. Emma laughed at my startled look and Talia hissed again. I didn't like the sound, or the look on her face - it reminded me of something primal and evil. Mum told Talia off, she said not to frighten me and Talia laughed. Mum gave me a hug.
Soon though Auntie Casey came back from where she had been to with her friend Amber. Amber is okay but sometimes she smells funny. Like a bad fire. Mum makes snarky comments about the little fires she lights so I know it's not just me. But Auntie Casey, Emma, Talia and Amber all started talking really loudly about all sorts of crap and it annoyed Mum. She kicked me off so she could sit close to the TV in an obvious attempt to watch the movie. I tried the other girls but Talia kept being mean to me so I spent the rest of the afternoon in another part of the house.

Auntie Emma and Amber went out that night on the turps. All hell broke loose when she returned. Mum was snuggled on the good couch under the duvet watching some movie on TV, and Auntie Casey was in her room reading a book. I was on the other couch debating whether I should fall asleep or go talk to Auntie Casey when I heard Emma coming up the steps to the door. Mum immediately got annoyed, she didn't want the girls to talk through her movie. Which they did. After a massive gossip about the night - which was quite interesting actually, Emma was being pushed to sleep with some young buck but although drunk she was very good and decided not to. I know when I get out on the rarks I always used to be into any sort of girl I could get my paws on, but I've changed a lot since the accident. Auntie Emma though, she had her morals and she stuck to them, which was interesting to hear the first time and a little taxing when repeated (drunkenly) for the fourth time. She wanted to go to the shopping centre for some Burger King, but Auntie Casey wouldn't take her - she'd had too much to drink as well. Emma decided to try Mum. Good luck sister I wished her. Boy you could have fried eggs on the lasers coming from Mum's eyes. She might not watch a terrible amount of tv - but when she does, don't ask her to leave the set! In the end Auntie Casey cooked the girl some cheese toasties.
after they went to bed and the movie had finished Mum got off the couch and looked out the window.
"It's stopped raining Plumpy."
Oh dear. I knew where this was going. True to form she kicked me out for the night. I was glad Auntie Casey had put insulation round my shelter. I still got a warm sleep even if it was outside. Things were improving.

Today Has Been Even Worse

Mum finished work early because of her early start. When she came home she was being all smoochy and paying me a lot of attention. She almost immediately fed me and got changed into some more casual clothes. Then she gave me a hug or two and was quite concerend about the wound in my shoulder. It was looking a lot worse and felt awful, I couldn't bring myself to eat a lot. When I looked her in the eye I could see she really did care. Mum can be so self centered sometimes but it was good to know that when I was seriously hurt she was concerned for me. But the next thing I know she has me in the car and we're off to see someone about it! She knows I hate riding in cars, and boy did it stress me out. She tried to keep talking me through it but I couldn't help but wonder why we had to do it in the first case. It's not like she even consulted me about it! So consequently I had to suffer more pokes and prodding - this time from a stranger! - and even an injection. The woman was none too gentlte either. Then we suffered the unbearable drive home. Mum tried to give me more sympathy but I didn't want to have anything to do with it. Where are my basic freedoms? I left the house and went for a wander.
Mum must have been pissed off that I scorned her because she wouldn't let me back in the house on my return. She's so tempremental! I could see her tapping away at her computer not paying me an ounce of attention. Knowimg my luck I was simply out of sight out of mind.

Auntie Casey let me in with her as she came home. I asked her if I could have a key to get in myself but she didn't reply. I get the impression she's like Mum and likes the idea of banishing me when she wants. Only Emma lets me do what I like. But then she doesn't even bother to sort me out any food at meal times. All of them were all nice to me, I think they were worried about my shoulder. It took them long enough! It was sore, sure, but not that bad. It was nice to get some attention from them for once though. I spent most of the night in Emma's room. She's a busy little sparrow, usually flitting from room to room, talking to the other two but this time we had some nice time together without the others interfering.
Talk about interfering! The next afternoon they let me eat as usual and then Auntie Casey and Mum both cornered me, practically shoving a pill down my throat! I mean, they could have asked! But no! No choice for poor little me, I have to take what I'm given, and what I was given was disgusting. There was no sympathy from either and while they pretended to be sorry there were smiles on both faces. They thought it was funny. I avoided them for a couple of hours.
About ten at night I decided I'd had enough and went for another huss around the hood. There were a few others around but not really anyone I knew. I told a couple of stories about what happened to my shoulder then went home to bed. I bet they didn't even miss me.

Saturday, November 18, 2006

My First Post!

What a rotter of a day. It all started last night when I was kicked out of the house - again! I wandered the streets of Massey for a while but the whole place was pretty boring. None of the usual lads were out which was unusual for a warm night. I kicked around the district for a while but nothing was up.
After a bit I thought I might go home to bed and that's where the trouble started. As I came round the corner towards our house my arch-nemisis was waiting for me. He knew I'd been out on my own and I wondered briefly if he'd organised a distraction to keep my boys away tonight.

"I don't want a fight." I told him but he just sneered. I tried to run around past him but he came at me and I had no choice but to defend myself. I lashed out with a cry but he still got me a nasty wound to the shoulder. I got him good in the side of the gut though and he took off. There wasn't a lot I could do about my shoulder so I cleaned it up as best I could and slept on the other side.

The next morning Mum let me have breakfast early because she was working the early shift. I ate it as fast as I could, hoping I'd get another breakfast after she'd gone. She gave me a hug before racing out the door. I cleaned out my shoulder again and sat around waiting for Auntie Casey and Emma to get out of bed. Auntie Casey believed me when I said I hadn't been fed and I took my time eating the second bowl. I'd save it up for later. With Auntie Casey and Emma gone to work I mucked around about the house, doing this and that and taking naps when and where I could. The weather was warm and there was no sign of that ratbag who got me last night so it was a cruisey morning. My shoulder gave me a lot of trouble and it was leaking too, but I kept it as clean as I could. I was surprised no one had noticed it this morning, but then my family can be very preoccupied with themselves.

When they all made it home again they were tired and grumpy and paid me no attention. I kept asking them what time dinner was but no one would give me any sort of answer. After they had sorted themselves out Emma turned on the tv and Auntie Casey joined her soon after. I joined them, trying to get at least one of them to pay attention to me but they were so wrapped up in themselves they only paid me passing notice.
Mum was on the computer which is the first thing she does when she gets home so it was hopeless for me to get more than a hello from her. I asked her when dinner was but she avoided the question. Finally Auntie Casey asked Mum if I'd been fed and Mum got all upset saying she'd meant to but time had slipped away on her so in the end Auntie Casey got some food ready for me. To my absolute disgust it was dry and tasted foul. They rarely give me anything different and I nibbled a little bit to take the edge off my hunger. It wasn't worth eating as a meal. I drifted back to the girls of the house.
Auntie Casey let me sit on her lap, she's definitely my favourite. Mum is supposed to look after me but sometimes I think she sees me as a piece of the furniture, just a decoration to make her life look more active.

Then worse happened. Auntie Casey noticed the wound on my shoulder. She kept trying to look at it, but it was tender and I didn't like her touching it. She mentioned it to Mum and then Mum had to come and have a look too. They both poked and prodded it with little mercy until I mangaged to get away from them and move off to be by myself for a while. But Auntie Casey tracked me down and put some ointment on it before I could stop her. Well the bloody thing was fine until she interefered!! I cleaned it off but she put more on when she found out.

You know it's not the first fight I've been in, and I know how to look after myself. If I didn't then I wouldn't still be around, would I? Because they sure don't know how to look after me. They don't let me in the house when they're being mean, and sometimes they lock me in and won't let me out. I have no freedom. They smother me with hugs when I only want to be alone, and won't have a thing to do with me when all I need is a little bit of sympathy. I am so unloved.