Big Day Today

Today Mum took the day off work to go Christmas shopping. I asked her what she was getting me for Christmas but she just laughed at me. I wonder if I can make a complaint to CYF (Child, Youth and Families) about her attitide to me?
The two aunties went off to work as usual but Mum slept in a little bit. Unfortunately her door was closed so I could wander in for a morning chat. When she did get up she launched into a big clean up. Hang on a second! Wasn't she supposed to be out shopping? No, no she wasn't. In fact since she won't be around very much this weekend she decided to do her share of the spring clean today. She went a little overboard but.

I wanted the shower - she was cleaning the shower. I was hanging out on the toilet when she came in there and shooed me out! As if she owned the place! Okay, so she does, but that's not the point - I was there first!
I huffed off and had a look to see what was available for a snack but the pickings were pretty lean. It didn't matter that much anyway as I'd had a big breakfast for once. But the next thing you know she's in the laundry moving my dining set and everything else either up onto the whiteware or outside and I must suffer the indignity of her chasing me about the place with the vacuum. Of course she thought it was hilariously funny. The saga continued of course. She was not happy unless she was moving in to clean where ever I had settled. Finally I got fed up and went outside.

It was a gorgeous day. Hot and sunny with the slightest of breezes. The sort of weather you can hide in the grass in and watch the birds. I like watching the birds. Not so into ringing them though, like Uncle Maalie is.
Mum finished all her cleaning and jumped in her car and raced away. She didn't even say goodbye or let me know she was shutting the house up. Not that I cared until I wanted some lunch. I paced around the house looking for open windows but the girls have cracked down on their security lately. I was really beginning to starve.
The ginger and white cat that likes to hang around on our territory came over to sneer at me and I gave him something to think about. He likes to start fights at night time - a lot like my nemisis - but I sent him packing that's for sure! He raced away like a scared little kitten. The problem was I was still on the other side of the door to my lunch!

I wandered round the back to check that door again and imagine my surprise when I saw that same ginger cat EATING MY LUNCH!
Mum had put it outside while cleaning and didn't bring it in again! I could have been eating those delicious morsels at my leisure and I had missed them! I was so wild I launched at that cat and left him with a spinning head. He disapeared again and this time over the back fence. I hung around the remnants in my bowl to make sure he didn't come back. Not that there was anything for him if he did, but it's the principle of the thing.

Mum finally came home, stroppy and tired. She had one grocery bag and complained she hadn't gotten any Christmas shopping done at all. She had gone to see her friend Megs and take her to Meg's mother's place so she could get fitted for some skirt or top or something, I wasn't really listening. (It was well past my tea time.)
Then she had to make it back to the place where she works so she could borrow some tools for the weekend and then had to go back to the supermarket to buy something for tea. It didn't sound like she had that much to do so I gave her a withering look and asked where my dinner was.
She looked a bit guilty at that and brought everything in from outside. Instead of giving me something decent though she was lazy and told me to eat biscuits. I mean - is that really healthy? Meanwhile she drags her little barbeque out from under the house and starts cleaning it like mad. Would have been smarter to clean it after the last use wouldn't it Mum? She only scowled at me when I told her that. But all cleaned up she put it together and made sure it was going okay. So when Megs and Sarge come round tonight they'll have some yummy barbeque - because it's summer!

She must have felt guilty about neglecting me all day though because she took about thirty minutes this evening to spend some decent time with me. In fact she took out all the bidi bids which have got themselves stuck in my fur over the last couple of days which was wonderful, I'm all smooth again.

Now she is eating ice cream as she waits for her friends to turn up to the barbeque. She thought she'd be cooking by 1830 and it's already 1930. I guess she's about as loved as I am!

A New Toy?

Things have been just fantastic!
Mum came home after her few days away and I got lots and lots of cuddles, she was so friendly and loving. She and her friend watched some tv in the evening and I got to sit in between them getting a double hug!

The weather is so warm it's no longer a pain when they shut me out of the house at night. I love getting out and about, prowling the night life. I've had another scuffle with the arch-nemisis and got a nasty scratch on the nose but as usual none of my family noticed until it was practially healed itself. Not even Mum in her excitement at seeing me again. So it's good to get away from them and their selfishness and be by myself - or with people who care - for a night or two.

Auntie Emma received a parcel in the mail today - her sister in Ireland had sent her a Christmas present. I didn't really care when she was unwrapping it because Mum was busy not feeding me my dinner and needed a bit of a hurry up. But later on, when she came back from work, Auntie Emma showed me.

I had been helping Mum in the kitchen, we were cooking satay chicken stir fry, and Emma came in raving about her new money box. She showed Mum but since they were working up high on the bench I couldn't see what they were doing. Then Mum remembered me.
"Show Plumpy, Em. He'll love it!"
I didn't like the sound of her voice. After our good times it seemed as though she was going back to her usual mischievious ways.
Auntie Emma put the money tin on the floor. It was furry, and had four legs. She put the coin through the slot in the top and SUDDENLY!!! What a racket it made as it snorted and waddled it's way across the kitchen floor! I circled it with care but it didn't seem to be causing too much damage. Mum and Auntie were watching me with laughter in their eyes so I sneered at them and stalked off.

Stupid new toy.

Goodbye isn't Forever

Well!

Mum had a 'mare of a day today! She left the house about 3.40 in the morning to go to work. She arrived back here at home around 4.20pm. She kept telling everyone she worked from 4am to 4pm but I think she was trying to sound impressive.
It started raining this afternoon but I didn't mind as Auntie Casey was home in bed all day. She said she was sick but all she did was sleep all day. I stayed in the room to keep her company, just in case she really was sick, but she didn't appreciate it at all. The devil inside me thought nasty thoughts about getting my own back for the antibiotics but mostly I was uspset that my family still don't want me. I hung out at the end of her bed for a while but when my cleaning routine took longer than half an hour she kicked me off.

Auntie Emma came home from her early start and crashed on the couch too. I like her mink blanket and she was cool enough to let me use a little bit myself and we both watched tv and dozed. I was getting hungry though and wondered if either of them would feed me any sort of dinner. Sometimes when they really aren't thinking - or caring - I have to starve.
But joy of joys! Mum came home! She looked really tired and didn't have a lot to say, as I mentioned she'd had a hard day and didn't even make it to the islands, but the first thing she did when she got home was make me some dinner YAY!
She sat down to watch some music videos and doze on the other couch and I thought it was pretty cool - all four of us asleep at 4.30 in the afternoon! But Mum wouldn't let me sit on her lap for a cuddle so I was pretty gutted. I was just so excited that she hadn't gone away after all! However! When she moved from the couch to her bed for a proper sleep she let me crawl in under the covers with her and we had a really nice few minutes together with no other distractions. That's when she told me she was still going away - it was just delayed till tomorrow morning. I was a bit upset but she comforted me well enough until I fell asleep. It was a pretty good day all up - but I'm not looking forward to tomorrow when Auntie Casey goes back to work and Mum leaves the country again. I will have to spend the day outside in the rain :-(

Goodbye Mum

I haven't seen Mum very much at all this weekend, she's been out and about with her friends. Mostly she hangs out at a place called Muz's Place, but I'm not allowed to go there with her. She tells me it is because I would have to go in the car to get there but I think it is because she is scared I will get in a fight with Angus. Angus rules at Muz's place - Mum calls him a scottish terrier but I know he's really just a wimp and I could take him. I'm not scared of terriers and would definitely show him who was really boss which is why I'm not allowed to go there in the first place, I'm sure.

I wanted a cuddle when she came home about 8.30 tonight (Sunday) but she waltzed in the door without noticing me and when I tried to get her attention Auntie Casey kicked me outside for the night. I was glad it has been getting warmer these last few days as I'm sick of being out in the cold.

I did find though that Mum was out and about with her friends because she's going away for a week. She didn't say where but I don't even think she will be in New Zealand! She's going away somewhere with work but promised she would be back this Friday. She will give me lots of cuddles then. She'd better!
Auntie Emma is away this week too but she's just living at another house while the owners are away and feeding their pets. It will just be Auntie Casey and I this week.

I wish Mum was going to be here though. Today one of the lads came into the house to look for food. I asked him to go away - that this was my house and my family, but she just came right on in anyway. When Auntie Casey found out she chased her out, but I wished it was Mum. Mum would have thrown water at her and chased her all the way off the property for me. She looks after me like that. Not that I can't look after myself, mind. Because I can, you know.
But Mum will not be here and I can only hope Auntie Casey keeps a stern eye out for them.

I think I will have to go out actually, and prowl the streets tonight, to make sure everyone remembers who I am. I might do it now.
Catch you next time.

(untitled)

The Ground and I are one
I am the Earth
I am the Grass, the Weeds, the Earth

I scent the Air without breathing
without moving, I watch
I am the Stillness

She is the Air,
like a Leaf in the Wind
she twirls, she floats, she flits

Now here, now there
she is never still
she is the playful Breeze

without moving, I watch

she flits close, a length away
my Heart races
Muscles tense
Boom boom boom boom
I hear nothing but the Pounding
See nothing byt her Form
a length away
boom boom

I leap!


Claws out
fast as lightening
strong and powerful
there is no escape!

I missed.

Orion

Mum made this for me;

It is a picture she took looking out from her parent's garage, and Jethro Tull's poem which was given to us from the Maalie King.

She reckons she'd been starting to worry about losing the passion for 'pondering,' since she wasn't at uni any more, but Simon and Maalie seem to be looking after her!

Good Days and Bad Days

I had a good day, Mum had a bad day.
Mum suffered a pretty nasty mood swing the other night which started shortly after she went to work about 1600. By the time she arrived home no one wanted to be around her - least of all her own tortured self. It was up to me.

I'd had a great day - the air was warm, the wind was mild and my evil nemisis was nowhere to be found. Mum had been reading her book in the afternoon before going to work so I managed a sneaky snuggle with her on the couch. She's still been on night shift so didn't have to rise early in the morning and let me look after her all night.

Instead of staying up and watching TV she went to bed about ten o'clock (her work had finished quite early) and I promised I'd keep her company. She wasn't crying or anything but Auntie Emma was out baby sitting and Auntie Casey was already asleep so there was only me to talk to. She poured her heart out to me for a while and I hadn't felt closer to her in a long time. About two in the morning I really really needed to answer a call of nature so I slipped outside. I wasn't inclined to go prowling the neighbourhood so I curled up in my little shelter and thought about what makes us feel good or terrible.

The next day Mum felt a lot better and had a good chat with her own Mum on the telephone. She spent the morning doing little chores about the house which meant I didn't get any good hugs. She kicked me off the internet to read all the comments on various blogs and write some of her own. I told her I'd already said all that needed saying and she argued that telling people I like to make music didn't count.
"Oh really?" I asked, "How are you feeling then? Going to through another hissy fit are we? Want me to leave you alone this time?"
She just smiled in that irresistible way of hers and gave me a hug.
"We all have good days Plumpy, and we all have bad days. I'm glad I can share both with you."

There was nothing left to do but hurumph and stalk off to look for food.

Not My Idea of a Foam Party

One of my favourite things about Auntie Emma is that she never interfers with me by trying to inject me, kick me, bully me or force-feed me nasty pills that bruise my throat on the way down. Until today.
Today was the last day for my meds and since Mum was away at work Auntie Casey recuited Emma to corner me, hold me down and otherwise physically assault me. The pill went down the wrong way and I gagged, trying to bring it back up. I ran behind the table in fear, it hurt so much! The gagging wasn't working - I was just getting spittle and bad tastes. I could hear Auntie Casey coming towards me and ran out from behind the table, past them both and under the computer desk in a frantic bid to suffer alone. Auntie Emma was screaming out at me "He's foaming! He's foaming!" and all Auntie Casey could do was laugh at me. I wished it wasn't happening to me. I could still hear them, they didn't even care that I was suffering so!
I ran to my favourite part of the house - Emma's room. It smelt nice and calmed me a little but I was still salivating and trying not to throw up all over the bed. I could hear Emma calling out that she didn't want me to ruin anything in there so I ran back out again and for once I didn't complain when they shepherded me out the door. Outside I lay down at the bottom of the garden in the cool and shade and plotted my revenge.

Life Just Slows Down Again

After all the hustle and bustle of the weekend - fights and visitors and parties - the week has become like a snail trying to cross our drive. The weather is cloudy and warm so it's nicer for me to stay inside. Last night Emma went out to babysit so the house was very quiet with just me and Auntie Casey. But she was gone too when Mum came home. Mum finished her work really early but for the first time ever she just sat and watched TV instead of going straight to the computer. I logged on to read some of my comments here. I like the Maalie blogspot, it has nice pictures of birds like the Maalie and the Barn Owls. We have owls here in New Zealand too but they are just little wee things and instead of hooting they call out "more-pork." I'm still working out the best way to catch one.
Mum and I staid up watching UK TV till about eleven and Auntie Emma came home. Emma was really annoyed because the people she'd been babysitting for had promised she'd be home by nine-thirty. After a day inside with Mum and a night on the couch I was suddenly full of energy and started running up and down the corridor. When Mum opened the front door I didn't mind hooning right on through, even though I knew I wouldn't get back in till the morning.

I wandered the streets for most of the night. Most of my friends were out and we did a bit of karoke for a while until someone tried to squirt us with water. Honestly no one appreaciates real talent around here. Mum is listening to music all the time at home but she has no interest in hearing me sing. In fact it's a sure fire way to get myelf kicked out of the house. There were a few ladies out as well last night but since the accident I haven't had any interest in chasing them. They laugh at me a lot for it and spend their time teasing the lads so I usually avoid them. I don't like their attitudes much. It was good being out and about but the night finally caught up with me and I thought I might curl up and home for a bit of shut-eye before beggin breakfast from Auntie Casey.

Mum slept in late this morning which is usual for her when she's on the night shift. The house was cool and quiet - just the way I like it. I thought about going in to see her but as I said before I don't really like her room very much. When she did emerge she didn't go straight to the computer as usual but instead lay on one of the couches and gave me a cuddle. It was fantastic! We didn't say much, just enjoyed the moment. It is during times like these that I know the language of love which Simon talked about definitely needs no translation. After her breakfast though she did jump on the computer and started complaining about all the things she had to do before going into work tonight. I played by myself. Mum buys me little toys from time to time to keep me occupied, but most of them need two people to play with and no one in my family really plays with me when I want. Though Mum is better than the rest. But Mum let me play with one of her things which she keeps on the computer desk. I think she stole it from work but it's good to chase about the carpet. Actually I think I might go investigate it now. Thanks for all the comments, see you next post!

Time To See Me

Mum's on night shift this week which means IF I get kicked out of the house, it won't be until she gets home (YAY) and we get to spend time together during the day. Now that she's not busy on her project this will be grand.

She said I can't write a Blog without putting some pictures up, so that people can see what I'm talking about. So here's a pictutre from my last photo shoot;

When that photo was taken I weighed about 6.8kg, which is not the heaviest I've been, but still I was carrying around a little extra weight. Mum says I'm a gorgeous big boy, and that I'm naturally a large guy, but Auntie Casey calls me fat. Since the fight I have lost four hundred grams. This next photo is one Mum took of me while I was asleep. I think it's embarrasing but Mum reckons I look cute so she made me put it up. Enjoy it while you can because I'm taking it off as soon as she goes to work tonight.

And my shoulder is healing up pretty well too, see?

In fact it's healing so well you can hardly even tell there's a wound there.

So, only one pill to go tonight and then no more physical abuse from Mum and Auntie Casey getting me to take them.

I better go anyway, Mum's out of bed and wants the computer for a bit. I might clean up and have a nap. It's not a very nice day outside so I'm pretty stoked she's home today. It means I can just chill inside.

Ai Ai Ai!

I had hoped things would get a little better, I mean how much worse can they get, really? It did start to get better for a while. It was the end of the week and Mum went out to a party. Now this is not like Mum at all, usually she stays at home on the couch and I get to watch a lot of TV with her. For the most of this year she has spent most of her spare time on the computer because of the project she's doing at Uni, but more recently she's had time for television and books. Mum likes to read books, though I don't have any time for them. They are a good way to get absent minded but loving attention from her though. She's a lot better when she's not thinking about what I'm actually asking for.

Back to the weekend though - Mum went to a party and I was home alone with the Aunties. For once they were awesome! Emma chats away and can get much more of a response from Auntie Casey than Mum can which is great because I like watching TV with the sound of them both nattering in the background. It sort of gives off a sense of well being. I got a lot of cuddles and a nice dinner. Mum came back a little late from the party but not too late. Just before midnight I think. Neither of the Aunties had kicked me out of the house so I followed Mum to her bedroom. Out of the three bedrooms I like Mum's the least. It is big and there are funny smells in it. She has a large bed which she doesn't even use all of, but sometimes there is something special about being in there with her without Auntie Casey or Emma around. She was tired because she'd been out late at night after an early start at work, but I snuggled under the blankets with her and we had a good chat about lots of things. When Mum is in a friendly loving mood she is my favourite to be around. She didn't ask me about my shoulder (even though she and Auntie Casey had shoved another pill down my throat before she left that night) and I could tell from the smile on her face that she didn't really mind paying the bill for the consultation and the anti-biotics. I thought things were going to be fine.

On Saturday it was raining. The cooler weather gave me a little more energy but I had no interest at all going out and getting myself wet. Auntie Emma and Mum snuggled down on a couch each to watch some DVD's and I was very keen to join them.
Then Talia came round. Talia does not like me. Actually, I don't think it's that she doesn't like me, but more that she likes to be mean to me. Anyway, she hissed at me and I got such a fight I nearly ran out of the room. Emma laughed at my startled look and Talia hissed again. I didn't like the sound, or the look on her face - it reminded me of something primal and evil. Mum told Talia off, she said not to frighten me and Talia laughed. Mum gave me a hug.
Soon though Auntie Casey came back from where she had been to with her friend Amber. Amber is okay but sometimes she smells funny. Like a bad fire. Mum makes snarky comments about the little fires she lights so I know it's not just me. But Auntie Casey, Emma, Talia and Amber all started talking really loudly about all sorts of crap and it annoyed Mum. She kicked me off so she could sit close to the TV in an obvious attempt to watch the movie. I tried the other girls but Talia kept being mean to me so I spent the rest of the afternoon in another part of the house.

Auntie Emma and Amber went out that night on the turps. All hell broke loose when she returned. Mum was snuggled on the good couch under the duvet watching some movie on TV, and Auntie Casey was in her room reading a book. I was on the other couch debating whether I should fall asleep or go talk to Auntie Casey when I heard Emma coming up the steps to the door. Mum immediately got annoyed, she didn't want the girls to talk through her movie. Which they did. After a massive gossip about the night - which was quite interesting actually, Emma was being pushed to sleep with some young buck but although drunk she was very good and decided not to. I know when I get out on the rarks I always used to be into any sort of girl I could get my paws on, but I've changed a lot since the accident. Auntie Emma though, she had her morals and she stuck to them, which was interesting to hear the first time and a little taxing when repeated (drunkenly) for the fourth time. She wanted to go to the shopping centre for some Burger King, but Auntie Casey wouldn't take her - she'd had too much to drink as well. Emma decided to try Mum. Good luck sister I wished her. Boy you could have fried eggs on the lasers coming from Mum's eyes. She might not watch a terrible amount of tv - but when she does, don't ask her to leave the set! In the end Auntie Casey cooked the girl some cheese toasties.
after they went to bed and the movie had finished Mum got off the couch and looked out the window.
"It's stopped raining Plumpy."
Oh dear. I knew where this was going. True to form she kicked me out for the night. I was glad Auntie Casey had put insulation round my shelter. I still got a warm sleep even if it was outside. Things were improving.

Today Has Been Even Worse

Mum finished work early because of her early start. When she came home she was being all smoochy and paying me a lot of attention. She almost immediately fed me and got changed into some more casual clothes. Then she gave me a hug or two and was quite concerend about the wound in my shoulder. It was looking a lot worse and felt awful, I couldn't bring myself to eat a lot. When I looked her in the eye I could see she really did care. Mum can be so self centered sometimes but it was good to know that when I was seriously hurt she was concerned for me. But the next thing I know she has me in the car and we're off to see someone about it! She knows I hate riding in cars, and boy did it stress me out. She tried to keep talking me through it but I couldn't help but wonder why we had to do it in the first case. It's not like she even consulted me about it! So consequently I had to suffer more pokes and prodding - this time from a stranger! - and even an injection. The woman was none too gentlte either. Then we suffered the unbearable drive home. Mum tried to give me more sympathy but I didn't want to have anything to do with it. Where are my basic freedoms? I left the house and went for a wander.
Mum must have been pissed off that I scorned her because she wouldn't let me back in the house on my return. She's so tempremental! I could see her tapping away at her computer not paying me an ounce of attention. Knowimg my luck I was simply out of sight out of mind.

Auntie Casey let me in with her as she came home. I asked her if I could have a key to get in myself but she didn't reply. I get the impression she's like Mum and likes the idea of banishing me when she wants. Only Emma lets me do what I like. But then she doesn't even bother to sort me out any food at meal times. All of them were all nice to me, I think they were worried about my shoulder. It took them long enough! It was sore, sure, but not that bad. It was nice to get some attention from them for once though. I spent most of the night in Emma's room. She's a busy little sparrow, usually flitting from room to room, talking to the other two but this time we had some nice time together without the others interfering.
Talk about interfering! The next afternoon they let me eat as usual and then Auntie Casey and Mum both cornered me, practically shoving a pill down my throat! I mean, they could have asked! But no! No choice for poor little me, I have to take what I'm given, and what I was given was disgusting. There was no sympathy from either and while they pretended to be sorry there were smiles on both faces. They thought it was funny. I avoided them for a couple of hours.
About ten at night I decided I'd had enough and went for another huss around the hood. There were a few others around but not really anyone I knew. I told a couple of stories about what happened to my shoulder then went home to bed. I bet they didn't even miss me.

My First Post!

What a rotter of a day. It all started last night when I was kicked out of the house - again! I wandered the streets of Massey for a while but the whole place was pretty boring. None of the usual lads were out which was unusual for a warm night. I kicked around the district for a while but nothing was up.
After a bit I thought I might go home to bed and that's where the trouble started. As I came round the corner towards our house my arch-nemisis was waiting for me. He knew I'd been out on my own and I wondered briefly if he'd organised a distraction to keep my boys away tonight.

"I don't want a fight." I told him but he just sneered. I tried to run around past him but he came at me and I had no choice but to defend myself. I lashed out with a cry but he still got me a nasty wound to the shoulder. I got him good in the side of the gut though and he took off. There wasn't a lot I could do about my shoulder so I cleaned it up as best I could and slept on the other side.

The next morning Mum let me have breakfast early because she was working the early shift. I ate it as fast as I could, hoping I'd get another breakfast after she'd gone. She gave me a hug before racing out the door. I cleaned out my shoulder again and sat around waiting for Auntie Casey and Emma to get out of bed. Auntie Casey believed me when I said I hadn't been fed and I took my time eating the second bowl. I'd save it up for later. With Auntie Casey and Emma gone to work I mucked around about the house, doing this and that and taking naps when and where I could. The weather was warm and there was no sign of that ratbag who got me last night so it was a cruisey morning. My shoulder gave me a lot of trouble and it was leaking too, but I kept it as clean as I could. I was surprised no one had noticed it this morning, but then my family can be very preoccupied with themselves.

When they all made it home again they were tired and grumpy and paid me no attention. I kept asking them what time dinner was but no one would give me any sort of answer. After they had sorted themselves out Emma turned on the tv and Auntie Casey joined her soon after. I joined them, trying to get at least one of them to pay attention to me but they were so wrapped up in themselves they only paid me passing notice.
Mum was on the computer which is the first thing she does when she gets home so it was hopeless for me to get more than a hello from her. I asked her when dinner was but she avoided the question. Finally Auntie Casey asked Mum if I'd been fed and Mum got all upset saying she'd meant to but time had slipped away on her so in the end Auntie Casey got some food ready for me. To my absolute disgust it was dry and tasted foul. They rarely give me anything different and I nibbled a little bit to take the edge off my hunger. It wasn't worth eating as a meal. I drifted back to the girls of the house.
Auntie Casey let me sit on her lap, she's definitely my favourite. Mum is supposed to look after me but sometimes I think she sees me as a piece of the furniture, just a decoration to make her life look more active.

Then worse happened. Auntie Casey noticed the wound on my shoulder. She kept trying to look at it, but it was tender and I didn't like her touching it. She mentioned it to Mum and then Mum had to come and have a look too. They both poked and prodded it with little mercy until I mangaged to get away from them and move off to be by myself for a while. But Auntie Casey tracked me down and put some ointment on it before I could stop her. Well the bloody thing was fine until she interefered!! I cleaned it off but she put more on when she found out.

You know it's not the first fight I've been in, and I know how to look after myself. If I didn't then I wouldn't still be around, would I? Because they sure don't know how to look after me. They don't let me in the house when they're being mean, and sometimes they lock me in and won't let me out. I have no freedom. They smother me with hugs when I only want to be alone, and won't have a thing to do with me when all I need is a little bit of sympathy. I am so unloved.